Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
