Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
