I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
