where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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