so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
