You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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