Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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