The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
