We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
