Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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