I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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