Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
