I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
