Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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