i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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