I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
