she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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