You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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