Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
