I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
