the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
