Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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