good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i now understand why vodka
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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