he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He did a backflip because drugs
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