we have officially lost it.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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