tell your sister to shave her snatch
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
