I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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