Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
