I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
