I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
