I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
