walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
