I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
