3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
