I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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