by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
