I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
