he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
