You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
