There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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