Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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