those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
