It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
