I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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