Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
