Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
