I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I deserve this hangover.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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