My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
