I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
