i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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