my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
