you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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