i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
