I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
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officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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