i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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