so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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