i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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