I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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