Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize