We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
